Day 7

So I've been doing some thinking.

he says he needs time and that that's the only thing i can give him. time to sort himself out. time to make a decision as to how he's going to handle this. and time for... god knows what else.

he said that he wants me. i dont know how he's going to achieve that.
i know he's not trying to push me away, but he is. and im doing the exact same thing for the past month or so now.

and i dont know whether the 'time' that he needs is really going to help anything. cause i don't understand what he needs time for. i dont even think he's been thinking about it because a. he's been going out and b. he's been sick with a fever for 2 days.

so what he's going to come back with i have no idea, and WHEN he's going to come back with it, who fkn knows.

i've lost the connection to be perfectly honest with you. i thought by telling him exactly how i felt would help, and to an extent it did. but now, the fact that he needs time to think about it all, leaves me frustrated and sitting here wondering what on earth is going to happen to fix all of this.

all i want is time and attention from him. and given by the reaction i'm getting, clearly time and attention is going to require alot more effort on his behalf. but i cant help but think that it's not going to work, cause he'll start giving me time and attention, sure, but am i just not even going to give him a fighting chance to demonstrate this? can i even hold out long enough?

i don't know whether im overreacting about this. everyone says its apparent he cares, let him try and fix it. but is it just beyond fixing? a week has already passed - granted that half of that was my time and now the second half is his time but still. its already one week and i havent really felt the affects of it yet, so what happens when it hits 2 weeks? or 3 weeks? what then? will i even try contacting him then?

it just seems like, although yes, i was the one who wanted the break, he was the one who gave it... he's not making an effort to call, granted he texts me every now and again to initiate the conversation but... i dont know.

maybe he's not calling cause he just doesn't know what to say? he has nothing to bring to the table.

this would all be much easier if it was just yes or a no. i so hate to live in the grey.